Narcissistic supply is the constant need for attention, admiration, and validation that narcissists rely on to maintain their sense of self-worth. To secure this supply, narcissists often present a “false self” that appears likable and appealing. However, their inability to form healthy emotional connections often leads them to target vulnerable individuals who are easier to manipulate and control to feed their supply.

Narcissistic supply is a form of psychological addiction where the narcissist requires–and even demands–limitless special treatment, admiration, importance, or validation to feed their sense of entitlement and self-centeredness. Narcissistic supply is how individuals with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) cope with the world and make it a place for them to thrive. 

Another weapon of the pathological narcissist is to rage against any person that would challenge their intelligence, their ideas, or desires. By raging, it acts as a bludgeon against the partner to force the partner to immediately de-escalate and concede to the narcissist. 

Most partners of pathological narcissists tend to follow the path of least resistance, and as a result develops a cycling codependent relationship.  This is because the partner of a pathological narcissist wants to avoid the narcissist’s rage, a frequent method of control. Sometimes, the partner of a narcissist consistently argues with the narcissist, never to any successful conclusion. The arguments never cease because the narcissist is thriving off the conflict, again as a method of control and providing a sense of power. In other words, the fact that the partner is responding at all is feeding the supply that is needed by the narcissist. 

The key to minimizing, neutralizing, or eliminating the narcissist’s effect on you is to starve the narcissist so he or she has no more “supply”. A narcissist is wired to manipulate and control – so the moment he or she understands the partner is not being controlled, they will be compelled to find someone else to manipulate and control. 

In essence, the partner of a pathological narcissist has to learn the skill of starving the narcissist from his normal “supply”. The following mental exercise and visualization may be a useful tool to gain control over the narcissist: 

Consider that everything the narcissist says, and everything the narcissist does, is inside a harmless, floating soap bubble.  What happens when a soap bubble makes contact with your skin? You barely feel it. You may not feel it. What happens to the contents of a soap bubble when it hits your skin? It floats away. If you begin to think of everything your narcissistic partner says or does is a harmless soap bubble, you will learn that it is unnecessary to feel you have to respond at all. Consequently, the narcissist will eventually learn that you’re a poor “food” supply and move on to another victim. 

If you’re able to master the soap bubble visualization technique, you’ll know that you’ll be able to focus solely on the best interest of your children and yourself. This is what the court will often be examining — your ability to effectively parent and not feel you’re in the midst of an ongoing drama that you cannot resolve.  

I highly recommend my clients to watch the video below from noted Pathological Narcissism expert Sam Vaknin to gain a further understanding of the concept of narcissistic supply.

If you need help dealing with a divorce involving a narcicistic partner, please give me a call.